The Leftover Pizza

Daily life Pizzazz, some nuggets, some fun

This happened to me…

A lot of blogs are doing commendable work in bringing out various issues about the traditional oppression of women and the ills of our patriarchial society. While I see the point in talking about these things and the awareness that is necessary, what I fail to grasp is the increasingly complaining attitude that characterises some of these blogs.

Some parts of our society are far more backward than others. I understand the need to educate women/men who didn’t even know that they had such rights. That is something that needs to be done. Many in our society don’t even know they are being manipulated because they are conditioned this is the right thing to do. However, a regular reading of a select few sites, presents a different problem in my humble opinion. That of painting everything with the same brush.

A few of the sites I read had examples of women, who were educated and capable enough to make their own decisions, holding back for whatever reasons. In these cases, the women themselves knew that they are bowing down to tradition, they hate it, but for whatever reason they are doing it for now. There are also sites which talk about men suffering for whatever societal or other constraint, men who are perfectly capable of making decisions, even have the freedom to do it, but not doing so. The underlying theme in most of these cases is ‘this happened to me’ so I cannot do anything now to improve my situation. I feel this is the worst attitude someone can have.

Most of the times when presented with a problem, we all go through a cycle of denying it, minimising it and then a period of despair where we feel we are stuck. In this phase we become whiners, complaining, raving and giving away all our power to our circumstances. The truth is the power is always with us and if we choose to not use it, we should be conscious that we made that choice. I would understand if a sense of helplessness is conveyed by a woman or a man who did not have the kind of exposure and knowledge to even know what their rights are. A significant part of the public lives believing fate and external circumstances are the determinants of our life quality.

But what about the rest of us, who are supposed to know better? Do we just blog about what all is wrong in the society and how that has bound us from doing anything constructive? Or do we talk of how this feeling of being stuck needs to be transcended? What is the point of all that studying and all that exposure if when faced with the same problem, we present the same fatalistic view as those who did not have such opportunities as us? The woe is me attitude needs to change. Also we should be very conscious that we are not enabling someone. It is necessary to acknowledge that one was treated unfairly, but it is much more important to stop making that the only reality of our lives.

What I mean to say is, where do we draw the line between acknowledging the problem, educating others about it and enabling someone to stay stuck in the same pattern? How does one decide that, if at all it is possible?

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2 thoughts on “This happened to me…

  1. A few reasons to blog and complain I guess:

    To feel connected with others and realize you’re not alone in thinking the way you do. Sometimes when you’re able to talk things about (even with strangers) it can give you the courage and validation to actually do something about it.

    For example, IHM’s blog received letters regularly from trapped individuals. Who knows what strength they may have found reading the sympathy, outrage, analysis and advice from everyone else? The process of venting can be incredibly useful.

    In general though, bitching and complaining raises the awareness of people in general that things are not alright and need to change. It drags us out of smug satisfaction, perhaps ignites a few conversations elsewhere, a reassessment in someone else’s life…

    Who knows?

    • True valid argument, but I where I am stuck and this is what I was telling IHM also, where does one draw the line between venting to acknowledge and realise certain things and venting to blame and play the victim forever. Again, I understand this is subjective, I may need 10 units of venting before moving on and someone else may need 5 or 100. Point is how does one separate the grain from the chaff?

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